Monthly Archives: February 2014

The Unfortunate Visitor

Hi baby,

I’m sad to say that this is not the month your life begins šŸ˜¦

Today went from being CD32 to being CD1… I spent all week with this feeling that aunt flo would come tomorrow and that I knew I wasn’t pregnant, but days would pass and it wouldn’t come… so I started to get hopeful… only to have a bigger fall. I’m so sad this was another bust cycle… but I am definitely not pregnant… this is not my month. When will it be be my turn? This is so Ā emotionallyĀ exhausting… the thought of never being pregnant goes through my mind so many times in a day… it’s hard to stay positive…

Now I need to call the clinic and let them know that aunt flo is here, but I’m gonna tell them it was here yesterday and I just didn’t have time to call it in. I read that if you take Clomid/Femara on days 2-6 it’s more likely to produce more than 1 egg at once… I would be so happy to have both of you inside my belly at once! This is what keeps me hopeful… I have to hold on to something.

I’m at work and it’s not going to be a very productive day… it’s hard when Im not mentally focused…

note to self: learn to have a calm heart in the middle of a storm.




The road to fertility

So… its been 1 year since we have been trying to conceive and it has been such a difficult road. At first we just stopped avoiding it and it was really exciting to be trying to make a baby with the man I love. We waited 9 years to start trying and it never once crossed our minds that we could have difficulty conceiving.

As time passed and we still got negative results, I started to research more about it and started doing OPK (ovulation prediction kit) tests but to my surprise they would never come out positive. The Gyno said I had to try for 1 year before seeking specialized help but the process was is full of ups and downs that I couldn’t wait any longer and decided to seek some professional help on month 10.

They ran all tests on me, my tubes are not blocked, I have plenty follicles, good thickness of lining and good hormone levels, except for the latest thyroid exams who decided to go crazy on the 11th hour.

Andy also had a sperm analysis done and although the numbers weren’t great they were definitely normal and the fact that he was extremely dehydrated from drinking the night before didn’t help because is sperm is thicker than normal when dehydrated, so spermies can’t swim as well.

Nonetheless, this brought us together and I feel that we are working as a team. We have both cut caffeine and alcohol from our diets and have been taking supplements to help. Anything is game!

In December we did our first Clomid cycle. I took 100 mg for 5 days. It was a good month, we felt very hopeful, but unfortunately the test was negative… I decided at that point that after so many negative tests I would no longer take them unless I was really late… something about taking the tests made me feel really hopeful even though the symptoms weren’t there.

The following month we switched to Femara, 5 mg. Today is my 14th day after ovulation but I’m pretty sure it didn’t work. I should be getting my period tomorrow or the day after. I really didn’t like this medication, it made me very emotional, I cried a lot this month and had so many headaches. I don’t know if it was related to the pill or not, but it was definitely not my normal.

This week we’ll know for sure whether this round worked or not. I’m really hoping that Im wrong about this and its a big fat positive!

For now, I need to stay positive! I can’t wait until I have you in my belly!

Love, mom


Through my difficult infertility road I’ve decided to do something I’ve always wanted to do… write you a life long letter, of my life and what I’ve been through, of all I had to do just to have you.

I don’t have any kids yet but writing this blog is a way for me to visualize you and hopefully this will help materialize our dream of having you in our family.

For now, I just want to say i can’t wait to meet you one day!