Add another one to the list
Just left the doctors office… I told her that this month i had several headaches, hot flashes and dizziness and she decided to get me back on Clomid since the difference in lining thickness wasn’t that great from Femara’s. It was depressing though, I’m so tired of this routine, the ups and downs, and the constant disappointment.
The good news is that this cycle we’ll add injectables, gonal-f or ovidrel, which helps with the lining and increases my chances of twins too. Its really expensive and we should probably not be spending this much, but we want you in our lives so bad… I hope I get to meet both of you in 10 months..
I went to a close by Goodwill store to kill some time and get my mind off this, see some other peoples memories for a while.. Plus I cant go home with a swollen red face… My parents live with us at the moment and they’ll ask me all sorts of questions… I have a real hard time being vulnerable and even worse when people know about it, so I haven’t shared my feelings with many people…
Maybe thats the reason all this is happening, to teach me to embrace vulnerability, to make me understand that even though its hard going through this, I can only feel infinite love if i allow myself to be vulnerable… What is motherhood without love and what is love without vulnerability?
If thats what i need to do, then so be it.