Ain’t that a bitch kids?
A wise man once taught me a very important lesson in life… you can run but you can’t hide, the tax man will not let it slide! You’re 5 (or 6 or 7) years old and it’s time to start learning about finances. I will give you a little bit of cash every week and I expect you to do something smart with it. Just saying, at least don’t be completely stupid.
I know that $1 won’t get you very far and you’re gonna need more cha-ching to get that sneakers bar you’re screaming and throwing yourself on the floor at the grocery store to convince me that I should buy it for you. That’s when I’ll know, I’ve got you by the balls! (evil laugh)
In all seriousness, I’ve learned a little too late that things don’t get handed to you… so I want you to learn at a young age that you can make anything happen if you really want it. I want you to have money (even if its to buy candy), believe me! I just refuse to hand it to you for no reason. There are plenty of ways that you can earn money as a kid and I’ll help you out by guiding you as you discover these possibilities. You can sell lemonade for example, but in all honesty, that’s a little played out. Its too 1977.
There are plenty things that could be done at the house… find them and make me an offer. If I think it’s worthy it (and let’s be clear, I’m under no obligation to accept your bullshit offers) I’ll pay you your fare, if not we can negotiate. I don’t appreciate little fuckers extorting quarters from me. But let’s be clear, making your bed, brushing your teeth, going to bed on time, and putting your clothes on the basket are free. Those are the rules.
Then, when we agree that I’ll pay you $3 for you to walk the dog until she pees and poops, it’ll be time for lesson #2… time to pay your taxes bitches!! I’ll be leaning and will keep you on a lower tax bracket though… so be fucking thankful!
You will be glad we did this someday.