You Were Conceived In My Heart

IVFHi my loves,

My heart is a little torn… although I feel that much closer to having you and I’m really happy about that, I’m also torn with the fact that I won’t be able to have all the babies that will be “formed” a couple weeks from now. I want you to know that if I could, I would have all of you grow in my belly.

Because of some physiological issues, mom and dad had to ask a doctor for help so we could have you in out family. The treatment is called in vitro fertilization, and the doctor takes dad’s seeds and mom’s eggs, and puts them together. God adds a little magic, life begins and you start to grow. Then the doctor puts you back into mom’s belly and you’ll live there for the next 9 months… that’s how you exist now. It’s a little different than the way other kids were created, but not with less love. We wanted you so much and the possibility of never meeting you was devastating… we had to do whatever it took.

The sad part is that there will be a lot more babies/embryos than I could possibly grow and raise, but what do I do? They’re still a part of our family, they are still a part of us and I don’t want them to die. We might have other families adopt them and hopefully we can all meet them one day… I’m just concerned on how this would affect everyone, how it would affect our family.

After doing Family Constellation I know how badly this can resonate on you, on our family dynamic, and on the babies that will be raised by different families. My hands are tied and this is such a hard decision to make, but yet, there’s really one option to choose. I choose to have you. I hope that the ripples of this decisions won’t be bad. I hope you understand and love us for it one day.

For now, we’re just focused on the thought of meeting you soon.

With all our love,

Mom & Dad


About Love,DANI

I have recently developed Obsessive Compulsive Blogging Disorder in order to mask the fact that my ability to procreate might be fully dependent on my bank account balance. Some think I'm bossy others think I'm soft, but the truth is I'm a sugglebunny she-ra wine drinking slave working alpha bitch that just wants to have some goddamn babies. is something I've always wanted to do since I was a kid and decided to write down all the things my mom did wrong but blogs didn't exist. So I take notes of things I want to teach my imaginary kids, good and bad. You'll find that I fluctuate between loving and crazy wannabe mom. I hope my kids will read this someday. This one is for my bitches and I write about whatever I want, whatever thought is on my mind that day. Beware, I freely curse ad I'm a firm believer that swear words are here to emphasize my thoughts.

Posted on June 30, 2014, in Dear daughter..., Dear Son..., Fertility and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. How many fertilized? Your talkin embies right?

  2. If you’re worried about creating excess embryos, it may be a positive thing for you to look into mini ivf or ivf light. They use less drugs and produce no extra embryos to worry about and in most cases is just as successful and costs less. It’s a win/win xxx

    • Well, i didn’t think about it until we had to discuss the legal issues when signing the papers… Its hard because its my first time and we don’t know how I’m going to respond… My insurance only pays for it one time then I’m on my own 😦 so I need to have extra embryos in case the fresh cycle doesn’t work… I read an article last week on how miscarriages/abortions/ivf’s unused embryos can affect the family dynamic… Been thinking about it ever since

      • I hope you don’t mind another POV but after thinking about ehat you said I thought to myself that none of us know how we will respond to medication and in my opinion, it’s better to start small as the standard ivf protocol is much stronger and more likely to cause reactions.
        Also, if you underrsponded on either standard or mini ivf then you’d be paying for another go anyway. And lastly, if you’re going for standard and hope that extra embryos give you a further chance if the first cycle failed, then you’ll have to pay for a frozen transfer cycle too, which would probably work out the same cost as a second mini ivf cycle.
        The fertility industry is totally profit driven & you are driven by your emotions. Definitely seek out more information before proceeding as there are so many ways to avoid the dilemma you have described. Remember its your treatment and should be right for you, not you adapting to the treatment.
        I’m in the UK and the NHS won’t cover any treatment for me, so that’s why I’ve researched it so much. In the UK alone there are. 3000 embryos destroyed every WEEK. It must be heartbreaking for people that are put in this position because fertility is a business and not a service.
        Feel free to delete my comment, but I just wanted to provide some food for thought to you. Sorry if I offend, certainly not meant! Xx

      • Hi Uni!1 Not at all! I totally appreciate you sharing this with me!! To be honest we haven’t discussed mini-IVF… I’ll ask him tomorrow…I think it may be related to cost… Im paying $3K for a fresh cycle.. I think a mini IVF would cost more than that… I’ll let you know what he says! 🙂

      • Sounds like a plan 🙂

      • Ok! Im back from the doctor! She said that it wouldn’t make much sense for me to do a mini IVF because my insurance will only cover it one time, regardless of the price… She explained that mini IVFs are good for people that wouldnt produce many eggs with regular IVF in the first place… so if you’re only gonna get a few eggs regardless of dosage amount, then why not give lower dosages? In my scan today she counted 55 follicles… obviously not all of them will mature… but I’ll probably have at least 20… Im getting used to the idea… I’ll freeze them, hopefully do one FET in a couple of years and whatever I have left I guess I’ll find a family to adopt…

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