My Precious Baby Girl

Bella girl,

I wish I could put in words how much in love with you I am 😍. I could stay here all night looking at your beautiful sleeping face. I just finished making dinner for your brother and us, chicken picatta and veggie Wellington, and now I’m sitting here in the kitchen watching you sleep. 

I hope life gets even better than this but it’s really hard to imagine. To watch you and your brother grow up, this up close, is such a privilege! I’m happy beyond words that I was chosen to be your mommy and I promise to always be there for you!

You’re only a few weeks old now, in 1 week you’ll be 3 months old, and I can see a lot of your personality already. You eat A LOT! Overall you’re a very happy baby, but you don’t give out smiles for free, at least not initially. Once someone makes eye contact with you there comes that big smile that warms up my heart. You’re also very demanding! You want things done right now! Poor me if I can’t change your poopy diaper immediately. Thankfully you don’t mind being flat on a bed, although you absolutely love being held up. And it shows! You hold on to my shoulder so tightly and look around us with so much curiosity… Everything is so new for you… And magical for me. I hope I can guide you through this journey so that this sparkle of interest never fades.

I love you so much baby girl!

Love, mom

Update : it’s been 3 weeks since I wrote this and things have changed a little bit. You put you down is to torture you and you sure do let me know! 

Strong Momma Mantra

Dear kids

While you live in our house I need you to understand that you will obey the rules. One day, you’ll have your own house, and you can set your own rules.

This is not a democracy, I didnt campaign to be your mom and you didnt vote for me. We’re mother and son/daughter by the grace of God and I respectfully accept the privilege and responsibility of raising and educating you. By accepting it I also inherit the obligation of my role as your mom.

Im not your friend; our ages are too far apart. We can share many things, but we’re not buddies. Im your mother, and that is a thousand times more important than a friend.

You will have many friends, but Im the only mother you’ll ever have. In this house you’ll do as I say without questioning me because everything I tell you to do is motivated by respect and love. It will be difficult to understand at times… until you gave a child of your own.. until then, just trust me.

I love you,

Mom

Life Will Teach You

Son,

You’ll learn many lessons in your life… My job is to guide you through your path and help you learn the lessons life has to teach you. Some people can take things pretty hard while others handle it graciously. I want to help you understand that the way you see and deal with the situations you’ll be in is purely up to you; its 100% your choice. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

You cant beg or ask for love… you just wait. You either live “love” or you don’t. There’s no in between. There are no “maybes” in love.

Jealousy is a useless emotion. Jealousy will not make someone be faithful to you.

Animals are angels in disguise, sent to this planet by God to  teach humans about loyalty.

Children learn from what you do, not what you say.

People that talk about others to you will also talk about you to other people.

To forgive and forget will keep you young.

Water is an amazing remedy.

Creativity walks hand in hand with being broke,

Authenticity is the best and only way to impress someone.

Real friends will never leave you.

Love is the best weapon against hate.

Differences make life more interesting and beautiful.

Believing doesn’t make anyone a fool. Lying does.

Children are rare gifts.

You’ll be remembered by your reputation and actions.

Thank you, excuse me, sorry, please… are all magic words… keys that will open the doors to a better life.

Love breaks barriers, unites factions, destroys prejudice, cures diseases. There’s No decent life without love.

Love, Mom

3 month update!

My friend just had a baby and I look at her baby, then I look at Benji, and its so unbelievable how much how much changes babies go through in such a short period of time. You’re grown since you were born! Pretty much more than doubled your weight and all you do is drink milk! hahahah

I want you to know that I love taking care of you and I consider it a privilege. I know you wont understand for a long time for its a privilege for both of us that we get to spend all day together like this.

Right now I’m teaching you to roll over… you’re getting kinda mad at me for that… looks pretty frustrating, but hey, it’s life… and you’re gonna master your motor skills in no time. Plus I always reward you with milk so we’re good!

You’ve been pretty obsessed with your hands… even though i try really hard to get you to play with toys… your hands do look very yummy, I admit! Just wish you would let me have some too! 😀 You’re also holding your head up pretty well. You can even stay seated on the bumbo seat already, all by yourself!

Just wanna say I love you Benji and Im so happy and honored I get to be your mom!! I promise I’ll make it a fun life for you!!

LOVE, Mom

The day my heart (almost) stopped

It’s been 52 days since you were born. I know 52 doesn’t make it a good number for a special celebration but to me every day is worth celebrating.

It’s funny cuz when you’re fussy and I’m tired I can’t wait to put you to bed so I can rest a little…but then I catch myself staring at you, anxious for you to wake up so I can look at those eyes and see your smile.

Obviously you won’t remember any of this but I wish you would. It’s such a magical moment in our lives. I’m getting to know you just as much as you’re getting to know me. It’s really touching to see the look in your face when your gaze finally focuses on my eyes. You just open the biggest smile.

The first month was extremely difficult for all 3 of us. On Saturday June 7th (2015) you stopped breathing after puking all the milk you had eaten 30 minutes prior. The liquid was yellow, full of stomach acid which probably burnt your throat and now I see that your body closed your airway to protect itself from having stomach acid go down to your lungs… But when it happened it was terrifying. Vovó Kiki and tia Gabi were there too and tia Mari also. Dad was working on the new house so we could move in. I turned you sideways, tapped your back hard but nothing would make you come back. I started to get nervous, I knew the situation could only go two ways and the good one wasn’t looking promising.

My hands started shaking, I started crying, all of a sudden I could think logically. I passed you to Vovó and tia Mari. I was so anxious. I really broke down when I heard Vovó say “call 911! He’s not breathing!”

Vovó ran to the new house to get dad while tia Mari, who is a cpr trained lifeguard, tried to bring you back. Your dad also tried but none of us could help you. All I could think was what would be left of us if you died… And I kept asking for you to please don’t die.

The ambulance showed up and even the ems lady was freaking out because you were so tiny that they couldn’t even suction you. They even tried using just the tube from the mask but you were only 2 weeks old and your nose was too tiny.

When we got to the hospital there were 15 doctors and nurses waiting for us. Wahiawa general Hospital is really not prepared for little humans. By then you had calmed down. I kept holding you skin to skin while the doctors tried to take blood from your foot. That in itself was super Crappy! It made you cry of pain… I kept hearing that screechy cry and rears kept rolling from my eyes because I really couldn’t help you, I couldn’t make your pain stop.

They checked your blood and pee for signs of infection but that was ruled out. Xray was also clear. We got transferred to kapiolani children’s hospital and stayed there for the next couple days under observation. They also did a GI tract contrast xray that pointed out you have reflux… Bad! And you are also veeeery gassy. To aggravate that even more I have an overload of milk.

From that day on I had to nurse you while laying down flat to make things difficult and only for 10 minutes, 1 boob each time. I also had to eliminate all dairy, soy and several fruits and veggies that would make you gassy. Needless to say chocolate, coffee and alcohol were also not a part of my menu. It’s hard having such a restricted diet but I know it’s worth it. We also have to keep you upright after every feeding (which is 12 times per day) and your crib mattress was seriously elevated to help keep the food down. I just wish you would take the pacifier because it would really help with the reflux but you just hate it!!

 

 

It’s been a little over 1 month since the scariest day of my life and you’re doing so much better! You’ve learned how to cough which gives me great peace of mind since you won’t choke as much. You’ve also already doubled your birth weight, which is pretty incredible for any baby especially one with reflux.

So, like I was saying, even though 52 is not a special number it still means 52 reasons I have to celebrate your life! I’m so glad you’re our son.

Love you so much Benji!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5/20/2015 – The Day I Met You

 

Son,

You are finally here and I still cant believe it. It seems as surreal to wake up next to you every day as it was when I first saw you coming out of me just 5 days ago.

My mind keeps spinning at how little and innocent you are… and that you’re mine, a piece of me (even though you really look like your dad). Nowadays I spend the majority of my time just staring into your eyes, waiting for you for eyes to find mine. And when they do it’s an emotion I cant describe… it just feels like we’re meant for each other. We belong together. Your eyes fixate on mine and mine in yours and we just stare, getting to know one another.

Today you actually smiled at me. It was so incredible! We had been looking at each other for a while and I sent you a kiss and you just gave me the biggest smile. I’m never gonna forget this moment. Im so in love with you.

I know time will fly by and all of a sudden it’ll be you holding your baby with me looking over your shoulder thinking about this very moment I’m living through today. I never want to forget any if it. I know you want remember any of this but I’ll cherish these moments forever.

I look forward to all the moments we’ll spend together.

Welcome to the world my little one!

I love you so much,

Mom

Playlist for Your “Birth” Day

Dear son,

I’m sitting in my desk, at work, during my lunch… I’m making a playlist of songs I’d like to play for you on your birth day. As I go through the songs and listen to the lyrics, I’m so filled with love and emotion… I sit here crying, touching my belly, feeling you kick, and I can’t wait to meet you my baby.

Hi Baby Boy!!

Hi “No Name” Baby Boy!

You have finally started gracing with some kung fu movements! We’re half way there baby, just keep on the kicking so I know you’re doing good. You always put a smile on my face when you kick me… You might as well do it now because if you pull one of these kung fu moves when you’re out you might just get some whoopings! 😛 I’m sure you’ll be a good boy!

Choosing a Career Path

Hi baby,

I think I’ll share this with you when you’re a teenager…but as I’m writing this post, you’re still in my belly and you’re a tiny 17 weeks old. I’m writing these posts so that I remember things I wanna share with you but also so that I don’t forget who I was and the kind of mom I want to be as you grow.

You’re a Boy!! My Boy! :)

Hi Baby Boy!!

You don’t have a name yet but we found out a few days ago that you’re a boy! We are so happy to have you join us in a few months! Cant wait to kiss you and hold you!

You are 16 weeks and 6 days old today and I think you can hear us already! We’re gonna try to keep the cussing down! LOL It’s a learning experience for all 3 of us. I felt you move a couple times last week, but it was so quick. Please kick me as much as you like, I’m looking forward to it. But be reminded that this “free pass” is only good until May!